The Art of Losing

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-Elizabeth Bishop

This poem describes my day today, how I'm feeling at this moment.
I'm moving home at Thanksgiving. Found out on Monday for sure, and this whole week has been happy and sad, but mostly sad. It's hard to explain. It's hard to explain how I can be so sad to leave a place I have been so anxious to move from. Or, I thought I was. Once I found out that the new nanny, Becca, was for sure taking the job we offered her and moving here, it was like what I had wanted had come true, but all the sudden I wasn't ready for it anymore. You think you're ready to go, you think you can make a clean break, but when the reality of leaving in a week comes, you realize that it's just not that easy. I won't miss living with my bosses, but I will miss the quiet roar that comes with living with my two loves, Reily and Owen. I won't miss the insane drivers, and the road rager they make me become, but I will miss the New England landscape I have the priviledge to view every day on the way to Reily's school. I won't miss the constant metropolis with no countryside in sight, but I will miss the option of heading down to Manhattan, the proverbial "center of the world" whenever I want. I won't miss the loneliness that comes with living so far from my two best friends, but I will miss all those things I got involved in to fend off that loneliness--the watercolor painting class, the choir, the bible studyamd the friends I made there in the all ages of church women that became my mentors. Ahhh life as a 20-something. You get what you wanted only to find out that it's not so easy. Moving is never easy, even if it's right. Leaving is never simple, even if you are moving towards God's plan for you. Just because it's Iowa doesn't mean that I'm any less terrifed! But I have to laugh, because you know what? I WAS terrified of moving here, and I made it. I made friends, I found fun, I discovered things about myself and God that I never would have known. So, although it's scary to embark on this next step, I have a confidence that comes with the knowledge that changes like this are going to keep happening throughout my whole life, and they'll probably never get easier. Like the poem, I'm losing a part of my life, I'm losing New York. There will be other cities to lose, friends to lose, and things to lose. But it's no disaster. :)
Love you all
christina

New York CIty pretty darn safe

http://news.aol.com/dailypulse/103006/_a/the-most-dangerous-cities/20061030105309990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001

Anyone who warned me about the "dangers" about moving to New York City should read this article- a recent study ranking major North American cities by danger ranked New York City at 227th. That's right, 227th. So studies are showing what I've been saying all along... that I really do feel safe. I hope my friend Hailey reads this article- she spent the entire time in the city getting hand cramps from gripping her purse so tight :) hehe. She SHOULD have been gripping her purse like that while her plane was laidover in St. Louis...
The #1 most dangerous city in North America :)
Christina

October's Oddities

I haven't written in awhile, and thought this morning, while Big kid is watching Blue's clues, and baby is trying to catch a bit more sleep before we officially start the day, would be the perfect time. October has been wonderful! My cousin Crystal came to visit, which was so good. I think the best thing about her being here was that it was like having a pocket friend or something- like a friend who just got to join me on my regular life and make it more fun. It was great. I must say, though, the greatest part of her visit was when she was getting a pedicure at my fav. mani pedi place in Chinatown, and after a couple minutes of delightful pedicure action by this lovely Chinese lady, the lady starts chastising Crystal for having too hairy of legs! She's talking very broken English and grand hand motions of shaving, trying to really get that point across that Crystal had better get on the ball. SO FUNNY. I was out of money by then (budgeting) so I was just sitting there watching, so I was loving this little exchange, and continued to laugh to myself while reading years-old Redbook magazines while I waited.
So that was pretty funny :) We got to go to the city 3 different days, and got to see a Broadway show, Central Park skate dancers, and went on a long walk in the crisp Autumn air by the beach down the street. Really nice. My contact lense ripped in half partway through "Beauty and the Beast" (the broadway show we got cheap tickets to,) so I was like the one-eyed wonder all through the second half of the show, but it was good nonetheless.
Of course, because I've had so much alone time this year, by the time Crystal left I was ready to get back to my quiet little life. That weekend after she left I had the whole house to myself, and celebrated by baking, relaxing, and spending a long Saturday tag-saling all over the countryside (well, Westchester County's version of countryside.) It was all going great until I accidentally walked into some sort of Jewish religious service looking like someone who just finished a run. Let me explain. I drove up to Greenwich to check out the garage sales (NY speak=tag sale) because I figured- the people are wealthier up there, their tag sales will be better, right? So headed up to Greenwich. Well, a big old "tag sale" sign caught my eye right by the entrances to a temple and a Church, right next to each other! I drove around the block a couple of times, and finally chose the temple as the most likely place, because I saw people coming and going, figuring that it must be some great tag sale to get such a crowd! Well you can probably fill in the rest of the story. Walked in, looked silly, and speed walked out of that place... and across the parking lot to the REAL tag sale. I mean, for those of you that have MET my dad, you know that garage saling's just in my blood. A little humiliation doesn't stop me from catching what could be the best tag sale in the Northeast. It wasn't... but it could have been! :)
So those are just two little stories for you all! Today I'm dropping Big kid off at school, then trying to hang out with my friend Regine (moved back to New York!) while watching the baby. It might just consist of her hopping into my van and driving around White Plains with me, judging on the baby's cranky mood today. That might be all he can handle. We were planning on going on a walk or going to Starbucks or something, but in the best interests of the other people who might want to drink their coffee in peace, I'm thinking bringing this cranky baby all around to torture the townspeople would just not be nice. He has become like monster baby in the last couple weeks. So demanding and cranky all the time! But we're working with it. :)
ALSO we have another nanny candidate coming this weekend, so the possibility is still here of going home soon. I wouldn't think it would be sooner than 3 weeks from now, yeah, I think that would be the absolute soonest I would be making the voyage back to ole Iowa. We'll see though. ALright, love you all! You can all look forward to my next post, already titled "Airing of Greivances day and the Don't Go There list," which is a blog posting I've been thinking about writing, with some ideas for getting along with family better over the Holidays. Who doesn't need that? Nobody can push those buttons like the ones who know you best! :)
Love,
Christina

Pumpkin Spice Latte weather

Wow, it's been awhile, huh? I've been thinking for a couple weeks now that I needed to update you all on my life, but then more, more, and more things kept happening that I needed to add! So today you all get the big ole royal update, I imagine it will take a couple of posts so I better get started. Alright, I'm seeing that my last post was on 9/28... well, 2-3 weeks ago, not bad. SOOO, in that last post I wrote about how we were starting to interview nanny candidates and were flying a nanny out that could potentially send me packing in a matter of weeks.
Well, of course things turned out quite differently than what any of us thought was coming. The nanny candidate totally spazzed on us and blew off her interview. That's right, people. She didn't get on the plane- she didn't use the ticket we got her, she cancelled the hotel room we reserved for her, and she didn't return our calls! I KNEW I had a bad feeling about her! The NERVE! So that was pretty crazy. Pretty stressful, but also good. Like, in that week scare that I thought I was going home in weeks, I realized how much I want to be here. How much more I want to do and experience and money I need to save. So it's been a blessing, actually. Also I just had to get over the whole deal and stop stressing, because as we saw with this nutcase, apparantly it's going to be awhile before we find the perfect nanny replacement, since you have to sift through so many wierdos. :)
Also, something else happened since I wrote last.
Fall happened!
You know that day, when you go outside, kids in their tee-shirts, and you realize, woah, it got chilly! And you have to shuffle the kids back inside for more clothes. That's the day fall happens. Up until then you can try and and convince yourself that if you really wanted to, you could still spend more time at the beach and stretch out the summer a bit longer, but then that day happens. Fall day, a little happy, a little sad. But mostly happy! I've just been throwing on more layers for the kids and me, and taking them on walks around the gorgeous New England landscape with a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. How great is THAT? By the way, I know that one isn't grammatically, supposed to capitalize the names of coffee drinks, but if you tasted it you'd know why it's worthy of such grammatical liberties :)
I'm love love loving fall here. Driving the kids to school is even more fun, with all the trees turning beautiful colors all around. I just love the crisp fall wather, just love it. I feel like I've been given a gift, of still being here in NY, and I'm just loving it.
alright, part 1 done
christina

Dream-killer nanny

Been thinking about dreams today.
Mostly because I've taken to thinking of myself as the "baby dream-killer" because I feel like I'm crushing the little guy's dreams all day long. I wish it wasn't so! Don't judge me for my dreamkilling! It just so happens that this baby's biggest dreams consist of, one day, being able to actually crawl into the dishwasher or refridgerator and explore to his heart's content. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Sorry kid, but letting you crawl into the germ county fair that's partying on in the dishwasher is not my idea of good nannying. So I have to open the fridge super fast and try to get it closed before he crawl-sprints across the kitchen and uses his little baby strength to muscle his way in there. The other day when I was doing dishes, I turned around and he had actually crawled onto the door of the dishwasher. Poor guy was so mad when I set him back on the ground. Why is it that the things he most wants to do are the couple things he can't? Ain't that the way it goes? Eh, that's life. So anyway, my little trouble-maker is so cute :).
And also about dreams, yesterday I remembered a dream that I used to have. It was a recurring dream that I had in junior high/ early high school about coming to New York City. Isn't that funny? That I would just now remember that? What's really funny is that I can remember the dream, and how it made me feel. I loved it because I felt transported to somewhere so different, but looking back, the dream was far far from reality. See, since I'd never visited, I had no idea of what it was actually like, so in the dreams, "Manhattan" was a couple streets long and a couple stories high, and the buildings were just really close together. That was my idea of the city, a couple high buildings shoved together. I think there were a couple clothing stores and a toy store in there as well. ANYWAY this probably isn't making any sense to any of you, but it made tons of sense to me. I dreamed about this! I am, literally, living the dream. Isn't that awesome? God is so good about bringing our lives to exactly where he wants them. Pretty cool. The weird thing about this is that the dream might be over soon, and I'll be moving on to a new dream.
You see, for the first time maybe ever, the bosses are getting nanny-type things done in a timely fashion (maybe TOO timely?) and have already found a nanny candidate that they want to interview in person. When they found me, it was incredibly last minute and I started in two weeks. And now with this girl they're flying her out 2 months before I'm planning to leave? What what?? AND she wants to start right away. So that is pretty crazy news, that there's a possibility that I might be leaving way sooner than I had planned. And despite the rantings about New York and about nannying that I frequently fill the blog with, it's making me really sad! I want to be here for another Winter! I want to iceskate in Central Park again, and see the Rockettes do their Christmas show! I want to do all these things that I haven't done yet. I've kind of made peace in the last couple days about it, but it's still really disconcerting not knowing when I could be heading home.
God has so blessed me here. I mean it, he has given me an amazing church, unlikely friends, and awesome experiences. He's let me live a dream, grow up a little bit, learn how to save money, and enable me with New York driving skills (along with the road rage that comes along with them, oops!) He's adjusting me to the kids' new schedule, and helping me to learn how to be a good mom someday. Ahhh! I'm not ready to leave! But as my grandparents said, he brought me here and blessed me, in his perfect timing (which believe me, I questioned :) ) and he'll bring me back to Iowa in his perfect timing too. SO it is well with my soul. Or at least headed there :)
So yeah, that's my life right now. Still loving my new gym, and my water aerobics class is going good. Skipped last week, so I hope that tonight we don't have the water-nazi teacher that yelled at me last time for checking the clock. I mean, motivation is good, but I was distracted for the rest of the session, thinking of all the comebacks I could have retorted back if I were, indeed, the sort of girl that gets all defensive and talks back to the water aerobics instructor. INSTEAD I just think of things that one MIGHT say :). Ahh my funny little life.
So, this weekend I suppose that I'll try to squeeze in all the city fun that I can while not spending ANY money. Operation pad the bank account has just begun, so no more money spending. I've done really good about paying back loans while I've been here, but now I gotta get serious about just putting the money away for when I go home. NO MORE SPENDING! So I'll hit the free museums on Friday, and who knows what else for the rest of the weekend. Free stuff, for sure. Fun free things. My favorite :)
Love you all
christina

Everythings coming up baby food

I think everything in our kitchen is covered in a thin layer of baby food.
Including me.
Baby has developed some strange little obsessive behaviors in the last couple of weeks, one being that he thinks it's fun to spit his food out in a way that covers nanny, floor, and kitchen appliance, all with a laugh and a smile. The other thing he's doing now is chewing on EVERYTHING. Now, I don't know many other babies, but it seems that his razor teeth get into more than normal babies. Literally, nothing is safe from this kid. The other day I came back downstairs from the bathroom to find that he had somehow miraculously reached my McDonalds cup and chewed up the entire bottom of the cup. And a couple days ago I found him trying to chew on the fridge. Not the corner of the fridge, the front. Like the cold, hard, front of the fridge. He had his entire mouth open, trying to chew on the whole fridge. Then today, on a totally non-teeth related incident, he tried to actually crawl into the dishwasher. I mean, he is completely entranced by that thing. Every time it opens up he gets this crazy look in his eyes and sprints across the house to try to fully experience the wonder that is the open dishwasher. Same with the fridge. And it's a bit of a downer when you sit down to rock the sweet baby to sleep, and instead of cuddling up to his nanny, he's trying to crawl over me to try to chew on the top of the rocker. Strange kid.
Anyway, his big brother is home today. Mom was home to see his pre-going to school tantrum, and determined that he must be sick, for he was not acting like himself. I tried to nicely remind her that he'd thrown tantrums bigger and badder in past days and had gone to school all the same, but what Mom says goes, so here we are, at home with both kids all day. Which I don't mind, it is actually really nice to not have to drive the 2 hrs of New York driving I'd been doing every day. And nice to gain 2 more hours of productivity to my day. Too bad the 2 more hours are on a day when the kids are particularly crabby and needy. And that's nannying :) Gotta roll with it!
Got a new haircut last week. I am calling it the $100 haircut, because of the crazy journey of bad haircut decisions that finally led me to this particular haircut. It started out about 1 1/2 months ago with quick trim I decided to get while I was with the boys at the BARBERSHOP. I know, I know. It seemed like a good idea at the time. So of course the barbershop look didn't have much pizazz... in fact, it was basically a triangle shape on my head. Ok, so I did the ponytail thing for a couple weeks. It's hard to get to a haircut when you're with babies all day long! SOOOO when the baby was getting his manhood straightend out in a little urological surgery last month and I just had big brother, I decided to stop into a little beauty shop the Connecticut town that we happened to be hanging out in that day. He was in a good mood, we had plenty of time, I figured it was as good a time as any. Well, the people at the place we went didn't happen to speak English, so hand gestures were wildly used to indicate the "pizazz" I was looking for. I KNOW, I KNOW. What was I thinking? "This might be my only chance," that's what I was thinking! ALSO, to get a good haircut here it's 50 or 60 bucks. So I was really trying to get by cheap. So... that haircut made me look more like Little House on the Prairie/ Amish Girl than New York up-and-comer, so I had to break down and do a real salon haircut last week. Bringing the grand tally of money spent on a haircut to an impressive $100. LESSON LEARNED.
This weekend was pretty great. Friday I went out for "Girl's night" with Patrick's church. I visited his church a couple weeks ago and there was a signup for a girl's chocolate night, and they didn't seem to have anything against someone signing up that didn't actually attend the church, so I decided to go! And it was a blast. I mean, a blast. There were like 20 girls my age and a bit older there, all awesome Christian women. It was almost overload, because in the entire 9 months I've been here I've only met like 5, and then there were so many! In the same place! It was awesome. And it was at a chocolate restaurant that all women should try. A Chocolate. Restaurant. Enough said. So that was fun and I made a bunch of new friends.
Then on Sunday (Saturday I relaxed all day) I ended up going hiking with a bible study friend and her husband over by the Hudson river, and it was so fun. The REALLY funny thing was talking to them (they're Chinese, moved here from China 30 or so years ago) and their surprise at how "normal" the farm girl from Iowa was. In Mike's words "It's been so good for me to meet you! You aren't simple or boring at all! " (To which his wife hit him and scolded him in Chinese about how he can't say stuff like that.) Haha. Also, an almost-naked man was stumbling around the street outside our restaurant, so we kept joking about how we had the best seats in the house, we got dinner AND a free show! It was a wonderful, funny day.
Ok, I think that's about enough for now. The kids are up from naps now, so there will be lots of snacks to administer to crabby, just-woke-up children. YEAH! :) Alright, love you all.
Christina

Road nanny rage

I tell you, people, there is no rage like a mother (or nanny) late for picking her kid up from school. I mean, before I started shuttling kids around, I was a pretty calm driver. Taking my sweet time and getting to wherever we were headed. WELL ,today I realized that the fear of being even a MINUTE late for picking up the kid at school and facing the scorn of other parents and even worse, teachers, can make any sane person go a little horn-honking crazy. Today I got to school early and thought I would maybe have enough time to run down to Dunkin Donuts and get a couple of "munchkins" (donut holes) to satisfy my sweet tooth and of course on the way back all sorts of crazies were blocking my way back to my sweet little boy.
WHILE I'M WRITING ABOUT THIS "SWEET BOY" I must mention that on Wednesday, this sweet boy had a 5 alarm tantrum in the parking lot of our townhouse complex. He got out of the van and collapsed in a blind toddler rage right there, screaming MOMMY, MOMMY! (that's what he yells when he's having a tantrum with his dad or me, like as if Mommy were here he'd be exempt from whatever travesty he's being subjected to, i.e. behaving himself.) It took 15 minutes of him screaming (after I moved him off the pking lot and to the sidewalk) and eventually even the neighbors got annoyed and closed the window. One of those moments where you have no idea what super-nanny would do and after trying numerous tactics, you just gotta throw the little monkey over your one free shoulder and get back to the house where they can tantrum without embarrassing the heck out of nanny "Stina."
Whew, so that was quite the experience.
Tonight I'm meeting some new friends in the city for dessert, so I'm getting all dressed up and heading down to Manhattan for that. Pretty excited... I've been watching "what not to wear" as religiously as ever, so of course in true Christina fashion I've planned out the perfect outfit and I am raring to go show it off in the city. :)
love u all
christina